So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
