From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
