I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
