Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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