Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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