like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
party gras won. party gras always wins.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
