Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Mom said you looked used
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
