Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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