I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
