Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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