I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
