She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Drunk is not a location!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
