So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
