"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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