Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
