Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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