We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
