apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
