fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
there is glitter all over my balls
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
