Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
