Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
