can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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