why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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