Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
