And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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