just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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