I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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