I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
