it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
