I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
