i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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