Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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