I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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