The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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