??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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