Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
