sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
