ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
