Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
