doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
