he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
