Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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