I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
