Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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