worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
