Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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