Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
