I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
