So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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