I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
