my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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