the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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