Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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