I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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